Not My Will

And He went a little beyond them, and fell on His face and prayed, saying, "My Father, if it is possible, let this cup pass from Me; yet not as I will, but as You will." (Matthew 26:39 NAS)

As a volunteer writer for a Christian magazine, I was assigned to write a reflection story on 'witnessing at work' not too long ago, which topic I was unfamiliar with because evangelism has never been my strength. Although the editor had offered me an alternative choice to write on a different subject should I be unable to fulfill the one assigned, I chose to continue with the former because I sensed in my heart the Lord may want me to learn through writing the article, ways I can witness for Him. After several days of writing and re-writing the story, however, I became very stressed and was unable to sleep well for a few nights, being constantly reminded of the article's expectations and the impending deadline.

One morning, I woke up with a troubled heart and told the Lord, "If it is possible, Lord, please let this cup pass from me," but I was unable to add, "yet not my will, but as You will."

Through the several days of struggle and deliberation, I finally understood that if I had chosen to write something that was not reflective of my experience, I would have essentially been telling lies. I made up my mind therefore to decline the assignment and immediately found peace.

I realize now how hard it is for a person to say, "yet not as I will, but as You will." In a sense, I can now better comprehend what it means to ask for the cup to pass me by, but I cannot imagine how the Lord must have felt, with full knowledge of the cup He had to take, to still be willing to say, "yet not as I will, but as You will." What great pain He must have felt within His heart and how much He must have struggled in prayer while at the Garden of Gethsemane. It was no wonder in His agony, His sweat became like drops of blood (Luke 22:44).

Glory to Jesus our Lord, Who did not turn away from going through the agony and pain of the Cross in order to save us all! Thank You, Lord.