Forgiven

Whoever would foster love covers over an offense, but whoever repeats the matter separates close friends. (Proverbs 17:9 NIV)

In her 25 years of marriage, Deb has dealt with domestic violence and cheating, yet she chose to forgive her husband. She realized forgiveness was a crucial step in helping her heal. Deb and her husband had separated twice and gone through marriage counseling. She believes this has made their marriage stronger and they now tackle their issues together.

“Forgiveness is for you, not the other person,” Deb said, sharing her story at SheKnows.com with hopes of helping others. “It does not excuse them for what they did to you, but why carry that around with you for life? Release it and let it go.”

The Book of Hosea recorded for us another story of a loving husband who forgave his wife for unfaithfulness. Gomer left Hosea and found another man, but Hosea remained faithful. He searched for her, redeemed her, and brought her back home to himself.

“You are to live with me many days,” Hosea said to Gomer. “You must not … be intimate with any man, and I will behave the same way toward you” (Hosea 3:3).

Forgiving someone who hurts us badly is not going to be easy. It requires love and grace. Unless we love someone deeply, we will find it difficult to forgive, for love requires us to be patient and kind. It does not seek to dishonor the other, and is not self-seeking. It is not easily angered, and does not keep record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, and always perseveres (1 Corinthians 13:4-7).

Love is not condoning wrongdoings, but is forgiving someone the wrong done to us. It is not burying what had happened, but keeping no record of the wrongs done. Forgiveness is not something a wrongdoer can do or undo to restore a broken relationship or to redeem oneself. It is grace extended by the one who has been hurt to willingly forgive the other without seeking revenge or returning evil. Grace is love expressed in kind to another even while he or she has done nothing deserving of forgiveness (Romans 11:6; Ephesians 2:8).

In grace our Savior God came down to reveal His love to us that while we were yet sinners Christ died for us. He forgave us all our sins, and in Him we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of sins, according to the riches of God's grace. If we, therefore, confess our sins, God is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins, and purify us from all unrighteousness (Titus 3:4; Romans 5:8; Ephesians 1:7; 1 John 1:9).

Are we storing up bitterness and hurting ourselves and our loved ones over the wrongdoings of our spouse? Are we too distraught to have the heart to forgive the wrong done to us? Are we able and willing to extend grace to the one who broke our heart and move on?

Love prospers when a fault is forgiven, but dwelling on it separates relationships. We need to forgive and let go if we hope to move on and stop hurting ourselves and our loved ones. Just as our Lord loved us so much that He gave His life for us even while we were yet sinners, let us forgive the ones who hurt us, even if the relationship is not going to work out the way we hope (Proverbs 17:9; Ephesians 4:31-32).

Dear Lord, forgive us for hurting others because of the bitterness we store in our heart and our unwillingness to forgive. Teach us to let go and move on, regardless how the future develops in our relationships. Give us a heart of love that extends grace even to people who do not deserve our forgiveness. Purify us from all unrighteousness and set us free from our hurting heart to experience Your healing, love, and grace.